marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
