The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
