He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
