After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
