oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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