OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
