honey bunches of taint.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
