New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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