I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
