GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
