elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize