can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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