My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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