I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
