Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
