dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize