Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
