i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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