i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
