The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
