i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
