She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
