did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
