He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
