it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
