My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize