I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
