I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
