I think my fart just growled at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
