This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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