The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
