You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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