In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
