Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
