well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
