Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
