do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
