i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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