whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize