theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
