I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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