i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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