he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize