My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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