i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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