If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
