We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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