I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
