I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
