don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My bed smells like the plague
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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