I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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