Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
