It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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