Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize