Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im six kinds of drunk right now
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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