she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
