i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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