cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
