her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
