I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
