yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
