I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
