i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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