VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
