I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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