i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
