My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
