LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
