I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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