Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
