I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
