I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
