he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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