I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
