she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Randomize
