I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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